You died on a Sunday
I got the call
I was at the park
With my kids
Little kids
One and three
They were laughing
Running
Leaving
You were dead
No feelings
No tears
Just silence
Except for the laughing
And the running
We got french fries
And hamburgers
With ketchup
And you were dead
And it didn’t feel much different
But a slight nod
Or sigh
Of relief
It was over
No more hurt
That you didn’t come
To play with your grandchildren
No more angst
Over sending
Or not sending
A Christmas card
That would go, perhaps unseen
No more driving past
The house
I grew up in
With you
Because
I was unwelcome
To come in
It was over
Finally
The pain of always losing you
Now
Finally
You were just gone
Thank God
It was over
I didn’t go
To your funeral
I bought the ticket
Someone told me
There was a service
I bought a ticket
Because I thought
I should
And then
I had a feeling
Of dread
Of needing to pretend
That you were there for me
That you’re death
Was a loss
Not a relief
And your wife
Who hated me
And all my relatives
Who didn’t call
I couldn’t pretend
Or stand
In a receiving line
Pretending that you loved me
Wanting to scream
So I didn’t go
Nor did I forgive you
All of it frozen
Frozen
Outside of my heart